Heeding Haiku

34

February 3, 2016 by petrujviljoen

Chevrefeuille  is hosting Heeding Haiku on Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie today. I hope I managed classical haiku as per the brief. Kindly follow the link to the MLMM site for the full brief. I chose not to include a photo as I’d like the haiku to stand on its own. I made two:

(1)

landed bird’s wings spread

even slightest breeze consoles;

earth itself gasping

(2)

Storm clouds gathering

temperature yet reads high

Ah! Soft breeze stirring

 

I invite critical, incisive, constructive criticism please.

 

 

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34 thoughts on “Heeding Haiku

  1. nmykel says:

    I was so struck by how observant of nature you are. I recall birds’ wings lifting upon landing, but it just never registered. The image is so refreshing.

    Like

  2. julespaige says:

    The first one reminds me of the winter birds at my feeder (for them) they hang on the metal netting pecking for the sunflower seeds. But when the wind is too strong they must spread their wings for balance.

    At the moment heat is not an issue here. Winter being a cold season here. We still have snow left on the ground from blizzard. But I remember being in Italy one year during a drought – and even the small creeks were just dust… the only breezes found were when one moved into a shadow.

    Thanks for visiting my post on the prompt. 🙂

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  3. These are wonderful … I have some difficulties to understand the English you have used, but that’s more the result of my knowledge of English. Long time no see by the way.

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  4. Bastet says:

    I can’t imagine the terrible heat you’re talking about as I sit comfortably in my home on Lake Garda in Italy. Your haiku are very moving and the images concise … in the second line of your first haiku though the syllable count is off .. you have 8 syllables. You could overcome the problem by putting – ah in the place of even – or remove even and make breeze plural (then adjusting the vowel tense). Your second ku is delightful and so hopeful! Buona fortuna. Bastet

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  5. Candy says:

    nicely done. it seems to me that you’ve met the challenge

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  6. humbird says:

    For me the strongest line – first in first haiku; the last one – in second haiku.

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  7. I especially like #2. I think it puts me right inside the memories I have of summer days at many stages of life. I also like the line in #1 about gasping – definitely too hot, this day you are speaking of!

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    • Thanks Claudia! We’ve been having incredibly hot days, and most of South Africa is in the throes of a dreadful drought.

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      • Oh, that is a shame. But your haikus really conveyed that state of affairs. And what a contrast to us here at this time – we have had a lot of snow, and though the weather is in a mild streak right now, it is rainy and raw…

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        • Rainy and raw … with snow. Would love to experience such weather. I’ve always wanted to travel to either Norway or Iceland or else to Antarctica just to experience such extremity, so different to South Africa. And currently the drought is worrying. Some people might starve. Busy planting my own food just in case! Here where I am we do still get rain but way not enough.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Where I live in Pennsylvania, US, we have four distinct seasons, and that is one thing I really love about living here. The year moves along and the changes give a sense of time visibly moving.

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        • Here where I am too, a place called Graskop, Mpumalanga (looking east) except we have about two weeks of spring before it’s full summer. Other areas like the Karoo, a semi desert further south doesn’t have such distinct seasons, hot in the day and cold at night all year round, no or little rainfall.

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petrujviljoen

petrujviljoen

I make art, I read a lot and I'm now trying to write as well. Otherwise I belong to a cat by the name of Charlie that drives me nuts sometimes and other times makes me melt with love for her.

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