My Mother Her Mother


April 3, 2022 by petrujviljoen

The laws, the rules of the house I grew up in. It’s like this or else. The screaming, beaten in. Repeatedly. Day in, day out, year after year. I hear and live her, their voice(s) now (I hear their voice), mother her mother … from difficultly waking, exchausted, get up! I manage one sock, falling asleep on the edge of the bed, School is on!, the other sock and somehow at the breakfast table, being shouted at, hurry and doing and not doing and how lazy, stupid, ugly – I throw up some porridge into the plate, try to eat it expecting her to scream at me to eat it, I’m not expected to, mother turns from the dishes but silenced so long by her mother, the other child at school once there has her face rubbed in the piss puddle she left on the floor and I’m gladly stunned it’s not me, not then, back home, put that away, no, not there, sweep the floor, stand in the dirt! pick that at up, put that away, scrape the pot of pot, No, with your hands! do this now, don’t, don’t don’t do, do, do, you must this not that until nighty-night.

dumb, numb, cold
whether it’s winter or summer –

7 thoughts on “My Mother Her Mother

  1. Jules says:

    What I always disliked from the adults I grew up with was the ‘Do as I say not as I do’ rules.
    And ‘they’ wondered, I’m sure as to why we ‘children’ left as soon as we could.

    But what I find interesting is how some children turn into the adults they destested. Like a relative I have who insists at ‘reprmanding’ other adults as if they were children – and not just once but repeatedly for the same percieved ‘offense’ – they can’t let an issue go until you duly recognize you’ve been chastised. They can’t take a calm resolution. And you know darned well you can’t make even the slightest suggestion of ‘change’ to them or they’ll ‘blow.’

    Hopefully some of us survived to become better people. *sigh*

  2. Q says:

    I feel so outraged as I read this! And I long to protect that little girl.

  3. memadtwo says:

    My thoughts echo Jane exactly. (K)

  4. That’s a hard one.

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