Fear

48

October 28, 2021 by petrujviljoen

A man caused me to fall and I kept falling until I bled inside and I kept falling inside not knowing I was as I walked I kept falling and I came home falling did the chores and I kept on falling not knowing I was bleeding. Inside and out.
Now the subliminal blood on the floor at Mooji’s feet as he (to another) said God said: ‘’no hair of your head will perish without my permission’’


seeking counsel –
floored by an edict
internalised

………………………..

Linked to Dverse Poets OLN

I was late for the Haibun Monday with this theme

48 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Sunra Rainz says:

    Wow. Very powerful and relatable on many levels. ❤

  2. Suzanne says:

    Heartbreak does sometimes lead us inward to God. Mooji videos are interesting. I’ve watched a few too and found them helpful. Sometimes we follow a particular guru for a while then move when we become disillusioned with them for some reason. I go through that experience a lot – also have been led to examine my own internal workings through the actions of some man (too many times really) Your haiku really sums up the process.

  3. A gripping poem…
    Regarding gurus and spiritual advice in general, I usually tend to follow a rule of using my internal guideposts and powers of discernment to “use what serves me for the time that it serves me and leave the rest behind.” If you gained something along your path, grew, became a better person, then good. But you don’t need to follow someone for that.

    May God guide you on your quest
    ~peace, Jason

  4. Ain says:

    Realy a very interesting style indeed — I mean that sincerely.

    • Good for you! About the sincerity. How many accounts do you actually have?

    • I’ve taken off comment moderation because I thought you were a thing of the past. I didn’t realise you’re following my blog. I paged through my list of followers the other day to remove the spammers and haven’t seen anything resembling forest bathing druid, which, by the way, is a status you assume but do not deserve. You have a myriad accounts! I haven’t forgotten how you by flashed me in a fit of peeve when I posted feminist related work. Since it is impossible to try and find which of your accounts follow my blog I’m having to address you directly to insist you unfollow. Your by sudden “sincerity” is nothing but gaslighting. Kindly get the fuck out of my life!

  5. Helen Dehner says:

    An awesome haibun ….. deep and thought provoking.

  6. Dora says:

    Petru,
    This haibun is one of the best I’ve ever read. The internalising of pain, the pious subterfuge to deny it, the brokenness of suffering unaddressed: that charlatans can get away with this is one thing; that they leave their attendants even more wounded is untenable. I like Charley’s first comment. God is not so distant from the brokenhearted.
    pax,
    dora

    • Thanks Dora. Wish God was around a bit sooner though! I just realised the haibun may sound as if it was Mooji who caused the falling. It wasn’t. I had a most unfortunate incident some years ago and looked for ways of healing through meditation practices (which do help) and stumbled upon Mooji along the way. Mentioning him to others, he was highly regarded. I had/have a few doubts but found some of his meditations truly beautiful. Until the other night when he seemed to just blab the quote to another seeker (I watched a video of a satsang) and lost it with him entirely! Win some, lose some and all that. Hope all that made sense.

  7. Portofino says:

    So many have wrought so much damage claiming to know “the mind of God,” and the “proper interpretation” thereof. When, truthfully, the most useful verse I carried inside me as a hospice chaplain was “Jesus wept,” while keeping my ears open and my mouth shut.

    I bled with your poem.

  8. Ingrid says:

    A fascinating and gripping story in so few words!

  9. memadtwo says:

    A lot of pain in this one. Who can we trust? (K)

  10. merrildsmith says:

    Powerful haibun/haiku.

  11. Such a well done Haibun.

  12. If that’s the guru Mooji, he has a lot of blood and pain on his hands. Pain and trauma that others internalise while spends the spondoolies.

      • No, I looked him up. A Jamaican charlatan, the kind who sets himself up as an intermediary with god, has his cult followers, gets all their money and locks them up or drives them to suicide if they break any of the rules. He hangs out in Portugal I think and the police are after him.

        • Didn’t realise the extend of it until today. I’ve been listening to his meditations and there is something there. Lost my temper with him a few times. He seems a patriarch.

        • I’m sure he is. Jamaican culture has traditionally let the women cope with the hard stuff like work and bringing up kids. I’m viscerally suspicious of anyone who claims to have the secret of how to live ‘well’ in whatever sense, while making millions out of their heaven sent knowledge.

        • When I first heard of him I researched his organisation. It declared he had only a million banked. There’s more to the story obviously. Saw a video last night of a pilgrim, devotee kiss his feet, which were thankfully covered by his robe! That’s that! In the satsang, which inspired this haibun, a married couple spoke to him and he defended the woman, but then later the business of the hair! I feel a bit sick. He had some profound things to say too.

        • I’m just deeply sceptical about all these people who claim to have the recipe for eternal happiness. It usually means giving them all your money, utter devotion and utter obedience. They don’t give their secrets away for nothing. He’s probably no worse than any of them, and not as loathsome as many.

        • I just deleted but for one the videos I saved of his stuff. A truly beautiful piece. Can’t unsee the woman bowing, kissing his feet. I’m reminded of a Van Morrison album: no guru, no method, no teacher.

        • It’s such a humiliating gesture and such an ego-trip for the person with the feet. Van Morrison is often right.

        • A therapist I used to consult was rather taken with him. Heard only good until the other night. Gurus bare a dime a dozen, truly!

        • Anyone who claims to have the solution to everyone’s problems in a lifestyle plan makes me very doubtful. Each problem has a root cause. It’s personal to that individual and has to be treated on an individual basis. The one size fits all theory doesn’t wash with me. Like counseling for rape victims has to be by someone who’s been through it and knows intimately what the person is suffering. Not sure what I’d expect to get from an old Jamaican with long hair and a long beard and robes.

        • Actual out loud laughing! Thanks Jane!

        • About 15 years ago husband was dumped by his employer, a big govt research organisation, because he asked to be finally given the status of full salaried employer when they offered him a full time job. The GP sent him to see a shrink because he couldn’t stop going over what he’d done wrong. He went to a few consultations and wasn’t getting anything out of it, the shrink seemed not to understand what was bothering him, so he told him my (his wife’s) theory, and how I thought he ought to consider the whole episode and how he should try to get over it. The shrink looked surprised and agreed, that was very likely the best course to follow, and asked was his wife a psychiatrist. Husband said no, she just talked a lot of sense. He didn’t go back. Waste of time and money.

        • 😂 I’ve seen about three over about 30 years, long gaps between. One does reach a stage where you realise they’re only people after all. There are no miracle cures. Guess it’s called growing up!

        • Yes, you’re right. It’s all about realising what the problem is and dealing with it yourself. Which is why I have a lot of time for support groups where you can talk to people with a similar problem. We can’t expect to offload our problems to a shrink and the shrink will sort it. Seems like a long shot to me.

    • Tell me more about Mooji?

  13. Gillena Cox says:

    Poignant write. Luv that you used the haibun form. The end haiku is excellent

    Much💜love

  14. that last line, “internalised” says so much. We have to release the fear before we bleed out, I feel! 💗

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