Lai Nouveau – Dverse Poets – edit

24

May 10, 2019 by petrujviljoen

the air, soft, a sigh,
stark against the sky –
eagle!
strobing, winging high
scrying on the fly
– regal.
scarred cliffs scoured, cry
of the hunt, the eye

needled, a prey to pry;
sound! it’s not awry!
thee will
forgive well the lie
and hold thee thereby
the quill.
stark against the sky
the air, soft, a sigh.

EDITED VERSION:

the air, soft, a sigh,
stark against the sky –
eagle!

Strobing, winging high,
scrying on the fly
– regal.

scarred cliffs scoured, cry
of the hunt, the eye

needled, a prey to spy;
krrark! It’s close hereby!
thou will

forgive well the pry
and hold thou thereby:
The quill.

stark against the sky
the air, soft, a sigh.

(I think it reads a bit better?)
….

Linked to Dverse Poets

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24 thoughts on “Lai Nouveau – Dverse Poets – edit

  1. Grace says:

    I like the edited version. I also like the contrast of the air being soft with the sounds of the eagle:

    Strobing, winging high,
    scrying on the fly

    Thanks for participating in our poetry form challenge.

  2. I like the first stanza a lot. I’m not sure I understand the second one entirely, but I like the connection of quill and the eagle. Nor am I ever sure about thee and thou.

  3. This is beautiful and your key lines so well chosen,- the air, soft a sigh! And the cover use of thee works well.

  4. susanmehr says:

    Beautifully written, love the imagery and the rhyme. Perfect Lai Nouveau.

  5. memadtwo says:

    I like the connection of the feathers and the quill. It’s given me an image to think about for awhile. (K)

  6. This looks very hard to do. I also like the eagle/regal. The rhythms remind me of flying, too.

  7. Frank Hubeny says:

    This fits the lai nouveau as I understand it. I like the “eagle/regal” rhyme. The first and last two lines stand out with the descriptive use of “stark”, “soft” and “sigh”. I like how “scrying on the fly” adds the main rhyme internally as well as at the end of the lines. Well done!

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