Evidence – Octain for Dverse


March 25, 2016 by petrujviljoen

Copyright PetruJViljoen

Copyright PetruJViljoen

Footprint cast in hardened mud

Bits of grass, side-stepped glass

This way she came, did she pass.


Walked away, the dearly beloved –

Journey’s tale significantly veiled;

Flesh of her flesh, blood of her blood.


Won’t you, please, turn the hourglass

Yet to see a footprint, fresh with mud?

Text Copyright PetruJViljoen


Linked To Dverse where the challenge is to write an Octain,

hosted by Victoria C Slotto


25 thoughts on “Evidence – Octain for Dverse

  1. Concrete foot steps now
    failing to flow with dance..
    sinking to the bottom
    of car trunks..
    4 iNch
    way now..:)


  2. Bryan Ens says:

    Indeed, to be able to turn that hourglass again…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sanaa Rizvi says:

    Such a lot of depth here in your verse…!!


  4. whimsygizmo says:

    Whew. There’s a weight here that’s heavier than that footprint.


  5. Barry D. says:

    Eloquent words, filled with loss and longing. Well-written.


  6. An almost perfect Octain! The line that starts as ‘Journey’s tale’ is your c/c line, the one that should contain an internal rhyme, for example:

    “Walked away the dearly beloved—
    journey’s tale–exposed, unveiled;
    Flesh of her flesh, blood of her blood.”

    i.e. tale/unveil
    Just sharing so that you might have a bit more understanding of the format. Great job for a first time!


  7. Candy says:

    how poingnant


  8. Bodhirose says:

    Interesting perspective of loss…quite poignant.


  9. Grace says:

    Indeed this is very sad and poignant ~ Love the twist in the last line with:

    Won’t you, please, turn the hourglass

    Yet to see a footprint, fresh with mud? (contrasting with hardened of first line)

    Very well done with form~


  10. Waltermarks says:

    She came and left, now nothing left but mud. How sad. It made me feel your loss.


  11. Mary says:

    Really depthful…and sad!


  12. Kathy Reed says:

    Strong, with a touch of melancholy …nice……


  13. Agree with Nan, powerful! I appreciate this very much!


  14. Very effective in sharing that feeling of loss. The image worked so well, too.


  15. nmykel says:

    Oooh…sad, heavy, tender…powerful


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I make art, I read a lot and I'm now trying to write as well. Otherwise I belong to a cat by the name of Charlie that drives me nuts sometimes and other times makes me melt with love for her.

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