The Gangway
23March 13, 2014 by petrujviljoen
Copyright Adam Ickes
General fiction.
Word count: 101
I don’t like this. There are no choices on this road. I don’t like that pink portway one little bit. A brand burnt into the psyche. No other colour on this road. … but there are! Remember …?
What’s this, putting one foot in front of another anyway? In spite of myself. It’s the training. The indoctrination. The obedience pounded in. Slow down. Slow down girl. Breathe, breathe dammit! You … can … stop … this … process.
Now turn your head away. There … Good! Focus. Breathe slowly, deeper … there … keep your head turned … and …
Jump!
Linked to Friday Fictioneers
petrujviljoen 
You pack this with a sense of tension. I hope the jump is to a better future, rather than an ending.
You’re the second one to ask. It’s a jump to freedom, following the unbeaten path so to speak. I checked what was on either side of the rails before I wrote. A fairly easy jump. Might get a bit muddy but that’s okay.
Good story. It kept drawing me to the end. Apparently she was jumping to break free. I hope she makes it. Well done.
It seems she’s breaking out, breaking the chains. Something we all need to do.
I’m new and this is a wonderful story – you capture the intense feeling in her. Awesome, absolutely awesome! Nan
Thank you! I’m not in a position to bid you welcome, haven’t written for FF for a while. Hope to do so more often. It’s excellent practise! But welcome anyway. 🙂
Oh!I gasped at the end-hopefully the jump was not fatal but to freedom from that “obedience” and “indoctrination” .Great writing 🙂
Freedom is what we were after, the character and me. I checked the height of the railing before I wrote. 🙂
Ha!ha!Great take 😉
🙂
Yeah, that was great! Leaves me wanting more.
Glad you enjoyed reading it.
Great story. I wish I’d written it. That red triangle is compelling isn’t it? It stands for all the ‘red triangle’ situations that hypnotise us into automatism and ‘slavery’. I like the jump. Ann
Good. Me too.
Dear Petruj,
Great to see you back. I could feel the indecision and tension. Good one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks.
The writing drives you forward almost as much as the narrator! I could almost feel the pull.
Great concept, I was willing her to break free.
Thanks! Me too.
Nice to see you again. It’s been much too long.
janet
A one way road.. and at the end a jump.. there is so much more behind a story like this.. a metaphor for life.. or maybe even more… really great. Glad to see you linking up again.
So vivid and engaging, in only 101 words. Such wonderful talent!
Thank you ma’am.