The Gangway

23

March 13, 2014 by petrujviljoen

Copyright Adam Ickes

Copyright Adam Ickes

General fiction.

Word count: 101

I don’t like this. There are no choices on this road. I don’t like that pink portway one little bit. A brand burnt into the psyche. No other colour on this road. … but there are! Remember …?

What’s this, putting one foot in front of another anyway? In spite of myself. It’s the training. The indoctrination. The obedience pounded in. Slow down. Slow down girl. Breathe, breathe dammit! You … can … stop … this … process.

Now turn your head away. There … Good! Focus. Breathe slowly, deeper … there … keep your head turned … and …

Jump!

Linked to Friday Fictioneers

 

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23 thoughts on “The Gangway

  1. Sarah Ann says:

    You pack this with a sense of tension. I hope the jump is to a better future, rather than an ending.

    Like

    • You’re the second one to ask. It’s a jump to freedom, following the unbeaten path so to speak. I checked what was on either side of the rails before I wrote. A fairly easy jump. Might get a bit muddy but that’s okay.

      Like

  2. Good story. It kept drawing me to the end. Apparently she was jumping to break free. I hope she makes it. Well done.

    Like

  3. It seems she’s breaking out, breaking the chains. Something we all need to do.

    Like

  4. Nan Falkner says:

    I’m new and this is a wonderful story – you capture the intense feeling in her. Awesome, absolutely awesome! Nan

    Like

    • Thank you! I’m not in a position to bid you welcome, haven’t written for FF for a while. Hope to do so more often. It’s excellent practise! But welcome anyway. 🙂

      Like

  5. atrm61 says:

    Oh!I gasped at the end-hopefully the jump was not fatal but to freedom from that “obedience” and “indoctrination” .Great writing 🙂

    Like

  6. JudahFirst says:

    Yeah, that was great! Leaves me wanting more.

    Like

  7. AnnIsikArts says:

    Great story. I wish I’d written it. That red triangle is compelling isn’t it? It stands for all the ‘red triangle’ situations that hypnotise us into automatism and ‘slavery’. I like the jump. Ann

    Like

  8. Dear Petruj,

    Great to see you back. I could feel the indecision and tension. Good one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  9. The writing drives you forward almost as much as the narrator! I could almost feel the pull.

    Like

  10. Sandra says:

    Great concept, I was willing her to break free.

    Like

  11. Nice to see you again. It’s been much too long.

    janet

    Like

  12. A one way road.. and at the end a jump.. there is so much more behind a story like this.. a metaphor for life.. or maybe even more… really great. Glad to see you linking up again.

    Like

  13. So vivid and engaging, in only 101 words. Such wonderful talent!

    Like

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Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material or any part of this material without express and written permission from myself is strictly prohibited.

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Artist Statement or rationale or why do I do what I do

petrujviljoen

petrujviljoen

I make art, I read a lot and I'm now trying to write as well. Otherwise I belong to a cat by the name of Charlie that drives me nuts sometimes and other times makes me melt with love for her.

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