Friday Fictioneers : The grass is greener this side of the Fence
19February 22, 2013 by petrujviljoen
The ruin was a testimony to abandonment, neglect. An accussation. She swayed under the weight of the past. Ten years of running, of putting distance between herself and this place did nothing to assuage the emotions welling up in her. She sank to the ground. Wracking sobs tore through her, her mother’s brutalised face in front of her, as it was the day she ran away, her 15th birthday.
The fence, a symbol of middle class propriety – this is a good neighbourhood, it said. A bastion against the darkness. Mrs Smith shrugged her shoulders, went inside to her tea.
………………………….
Friday fictioneers is hosted by Rochelle Wissoff Fields. The photo is copyright Janet Webb. It’s a wonderful exercise in honing one’s writing.
Such a contrast between the two in the story. One feeling all, the other feeling nothing.
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It was the picket fence that provided the contrast.
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A dark story indeed. 🙂
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Wasn’t sure where this was heading until I read the last line. Nice way to tie it all up. So sad.
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Thanks Shirley.
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Dear Petruj,
Like Janet, I was a bit confused by the scene shift between the first and second paragraph. However, it was still a good story. A stark contrast between one woman swaying under the weight of her past (I liked that swaying under 😉 ) and the uncaring, cold neighbor.
It’s a challenge to get all those thoughts across in a small space. The more you do it the more you learn.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you for reading. I was hoping it would be clear. Will hone the concept better hopefully next time.
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very sad story… very real and very well-written.. love how you emphasized the irony of the white fence. damn but that’s one cold neighbor.
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Thanks for reading. I enjoy this exercise tremendously.
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me too 🙂
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Your lines shift emotions rapidly … as I swing from one motion to another … really well told !!!
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Thank you!
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It can be difficult to escape, or even deal with, the past. I like your use of the fence and this: ” The fence, a symbol of middle class propriety – this is a good neighbourhood, it said.” But I wasn’t sure if Mrs. Smith was the woman in the first paragraph, now recovered from her crying and still in the neighborhood or if she was a neighbor.
(“Accusation” has only one “s”. Dratted keyboard!!)
Hope your weekend is wonderful,
janet
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I was hoping it would be clear that she was the neighbour.
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Wow, some cold neighbors in this neighborhood.
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Some people really are like that.
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It takes all kinds.
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Nicely done. The two paragraphs seemed like opposite ends of a dark spectrum
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Indeed. Thanks for reading it.
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