Friday Fictioneers : The grass is greener this side of the Fence

19

February 22, 2013 by petrujviljoen

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The ruin was a testimony to abandonment, neglect. An accussation. She swayed under the weight of the past. Ten years of running, of putting distance between herself and this place did nothing to assuage the emotions welling up in her. She sank to the ground. Wracking sobs tore through her, her mother’s brutalised face in front of her, as it was the day she ran away, her 15th birthday.

 The fence, a symbol of middle class propriety – this is a good neighbourhood, it said. A bastion against the darkness. Mrs Smith shrugged her shoulders, went inside to her tea.

 ………………………….

Friday fictioneers is hosted by Rochelle Wissoff Fields. The photo is copyright Janet Webb. It’s a wonderful exercise in honing one’s writing. 

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19 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers : The grass is greener this side of the Fence

  1. Joe Owens says:

    Such a contrast between the two in the story. One feeling all, the other feeling nothing.

    Like

  2. Wasn’t sure where this was heading until I read the last line. Nice way to tie it all up. So sad.

    Like

  3. Dear Petruj,
    Like Janet, I was a bit confused by the scene shift between the first and second paragraph. However, it was still a good story. A stark contrast between one woman swaying under the weight of her past (I liked that swaying under 😉 ) and the uncaring, cold neighbor.
    It’s a challenge to get all those thoughts across in a small space. The more you do it the more you learn.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

    Like

  4. kz says:

    very sad story… very real and very well-written.. love how you emphasized the irony of the white fence. damn but that’s one cold neighbor.

    Like

  5. Green Speck says:

    Your lines shift emotions rapidly … as I swing from one motion to another … really well told !!!

    Like

  6. It can be difficult to escape, or even deal with, the past. I like your use of the fence and this: ” The fence, a symbol of middle class propriety – this is a good neighbourhood, it said.” But I wasn’t sure if Mrs. Smith was the woman in the first paragraph, now recovered from her crying and still in the neighborhood or if she was a neighbor.

    (“Accusation” has only one “s”. Dratted keyboard!!)

    Hope your weekend is wonderful,

    janet

    Like

  7. Wow, some cold neighbors in this neighborhood.

    Like

  8. Sandra says:

    Nicely done. The two paragraphs seemed like opposite ends of a dark spectrum

    Like

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petrujviljoen

petrujviljoen

I make art, I read a lot and I'm now trying to write as well. Otherwise I belong to a cat by the name of Charlie that drives me nuts sometimes and other times makes me melt with love for her.

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