Friday Fictioneers – A Woman Left

45

February 7, 2013 by petrujviljoen

She was acutely aware of every step up to the plane. She had her salary in her pocket and not much else, but didn’t care about that.

With relish she sat down at the window and waited for take off. The book she brought with to pretend to read was close by in her bag. She closed her eyes and turned her face to the window to avoid conversation with any passenger that may take the seat next to her. She fastened the safety belt. Any thought of the recent past was firmly shut away.

The woman had had enough.

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45 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – A Woman Left

  1. […] come full circle. I wrote my first flash fiction for Friday Fictioneers to this photograph. The current fiction is a metaphorical sequel. I’d […]

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  2. Nice submission, glad to see your contribution, and i want to hear more of course.

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  3. Times like this is when someone will probably strike up a conversation with her! She’s ready for a new beginning. You captured her intensity well. – Amy

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    • petrujviljoen says:

      Thank you. I’ll read yours during the course of the day. This is the first time I participated and am overwhelmed with the response. It’s one of the nicer conversations I had for a while.

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  4. Joe Owens says:

    Nice teasing in the 100. Now we want to read more of her story to understand the mystery.

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    • petrujviljoen says:

      Thanks Joe. More of the story shall have a grammar check before it gets published. I haven’t read yours yet, but will.

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  5. rich says:

    i don’t know exactly *what* but i know *something* is brewing and may soon boil over. well done.

    this line: “With relish she sat down at the window, and waited for take off.” no need for a comma after window.

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    • petrujviljoen says:

      Ah, thanks for the correction. It’s why one does these things, to get this kind of input. Taking part more regularly (besides trying to be motivated to work on my own), will make one more mindful of sloppy writing.

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  6. The book she would pretend to read? Loved that line.

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  7. Sometimes a person just needs to get away. Glad you came away to Friday Fictioneers. Welcome and Shalom,
    Rochelle

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    • petrujviljoen says:

      Thank you. Indeed, a person does. Glad to be able to take part. (will learn to check the grammar before I post!)

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  8. billgncs says:

    interesting — love to hear more!

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  9. way to wrap it up, “the woman had had enough.”

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    • petrujviljoen says:

      Thanks, Trainwhistle, Ironwoodrain already said. I’ll brush up, or learn to check grammar before I post.

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      • I really liked your last line, that’s why I quoted it, and had read the comments ahead of mine, so I knew you meant the extra “had” to be there.

        I usually check my spelling and grammar before I post, and most of the time, still find something wrong after I read it again. Oh well, comes with the territory I guess. Enjoyed your story. 🙂

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        • petrujviljoen says:

          Thank you very much! It’s my first attempt and am looking forward to the conversation. It’s a great way to practice.

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  10. t says:

    Nicely done, and up til the last line, you described my usual flying technique to a tee!

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    • petrujviljoen says:

      Hi! I didn’t see this comment until now. Flying is a lot like taking the bus. Crowded, stuffy, too many people sitting too close.

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  11. I agree with Doug that this sounds like the beginning of a longer story (and that’s great.) I could fell how fed up she was with everything.

    Just another small tweak–“The book she brought with to pretend to read was close by in her bag,” probably should either be “brought with her” or simply “The book she’d brought to pretend…”. The latter even gives you one additional word to use however you like. 🙂

    janet

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  12. I can relate. I’ve had enough a bunch of times!

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    • petrujviljoen says:

      I note the grammar. Will be more careful in the next story. Working on the new prompt today. I’m sorry, your comment did not show until now.

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  13. kz says:

    great story.. sounds like a sweet escape. yes the challenges really are a great way to practice writing ^^ glad you joined

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    • petrujviljoen says:

      As to the others, I only saw these comments now. They didn’t show up before. Don’t know what went wrong. Thank you for reading and liking my story. It’s great fun. Am enjoying the new prompt. Hope to read yours.

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  14. Dear Petru,

    great story with a good hook. Have to ask, though, shouldn’t it be…’the woman had had ebnough?’
    Just wondering.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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  15. Sandra says:

    Welcome, enjoyed your submission. Sounds like a woman striking out on her own. Nice one.

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  16. N Filbert says:

    nice episode – so glad you’ve joined in

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    • petrujviljoen says:

      It’s an excellent way to practice one’s writing. Been wanting to participate for a while. Thanks for liking it. Constructive criticism is welcome.

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Artist Statement or rationale or why do I do what I do

petrujviljoen

petrujviljoen

I make art, I read a lot and I'm now trying to write as well. Otherwise I belong to a cat by the name of Charlie that drives me nuts sometimes and other times makes me melt with love for her.

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